17 June 2009

1 week Down, 1 week to go

Ugh! The official 2ww (week wait). My first "official" 2ww since beginning to ttc after my m/c last year.

And it sucks. Royally.

I thought I would be able to rest and relax, since it was soo much work charting my temps, trying to figure out when I was going to O, and when to BD. I thought this would be the best part. Sitting back and waiting for my second BFP! Well it's definitely not. Before when I was just sorta TTC without charting without meds, I always had these phantom symptoms. heartburn, aversion to certain smells, weird cramping in my abdomen. Well, now that I actually have a shot of being pg (possibly with twins - I had two eggs release), I feel nothing! I keep telling myself that I am exhausted or tired, but I mainly think it's depression. I'm soo depressed. I wish I were pregnant so badly to the point where I actually am sick of wanting a baby! I just want to feel carefree like I was before I got pregnant. Before when I wasn't TTC or TTA (trying to avoid getting pg), when I just didn't think about it. When it didn't affect me at all hearing about babies or seeing pregnant people.

I just feel like such a complete loser and failure at life. This 2ww sucks. I am planning on testing on Sunday (Father's Day), but honestly right now I feel like what's the point? I doubt I am pregnant. I want to be postive, but reality just wont let me.

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